Happiness is...

Everything I've been feeling since I got him back in my life again. The hurt and suffering that remained hidden underneath it all is slowly dissipating as we make our way back into each other's lives.

He is a changed man. I have changed as well.

Along with this transition has come the acceptance that we each had to move on somewhat while we were apart...despite my urges to punch every girl that looked at him or came near him in the face, I'm surprisingly OK with it. Toss the insecurities aside--pitch them. Because you know what? He's with me, and even time and pretty girls didn't stop him from thinking about me. And VICE VERSA. Always on my mind...

God, how I missed him. I still do...but this kind of missing is the kind you feel when you're anxiously awaiting to see them again and get caught in a powerful embrace. Not the kind accompanied with forbidden love.

We went and saw fireworks this year (a tradition that I am so happy we had the chance to continue), went canoeing, he cooked for me, we saw a movie and he woke me up with breakfast and the sound of San Francisco. I feel extremely lucky.

Our time apart feels like a blur. It dragged on and on while it was happening...I'd count the weeks every Wednesday, and I lost count several times. As if it were eternity. It was 13 weeks + 2 days. Now, it's hard to remember specifics. I'd found a melancholic sort of happiness. I wasn't moping around or crying myself to sleep, but I was getting by. It was needed, though.

I needed to find myself and give myself time to let go of the anger and hurt we had let enter into our relationship. It wouldn't have worked to just keep pushing it aside and ignoring it. There already was way too much resentment. "When we postpone the harvest, the fruit rots, but when we postpone our problems, they keep on growing." Great quote! He needed to find himself, too. We were lost as individuals, and we were no better as a couple.

I have faith we'll be so much happier now. I've learned from my mistakes (hence entry #1), because I never forgot about them. I refuse to repeat them again...and I think he does, too.